when you don’t know what to do?

i’m tired, i really am. i’m beyond tired. i’m tired of having to shoulder this responsibility. i’m tired of living in this cage. i’m tired of trying my best to please the ppl who put this responsibility on me in the first place. i’m tired of giving it everything i have, only to find that i’ve lost myself. i’m tired of trying everything i can, and to have ppl act like they don give a damn. i’m tired of not doing the things that make me happy, or rather having to do the things that don’t make me happy. i’m tired of being shut out, i’m tired of being so far away from everyone that matters. i’m tired of the way the world is hell bent on making things go wrong for me all the time. and i’m so tired of having to pick myself up again and again, and again. i’m tired of making things so hard for myself, and not knowing whether it will be worth it in the end. i’m tired of being so far away from home, i’m tired of looking for a place where i know i will have peace. i’m tired of having to deal with everything in a foreign language, i’m tired of not knowing how to express my thoughts and feelings the way i would like to. i’m tired of being treated like someone who doesn’t matter, and i’m tired of not knowing what’s going on.

and most of all, i’m bloody terrified of finding out what really goes on in there.

Two little teardrops were floating down the river of life. One drop said to the other, “I am the teardrop of a girl who loved a man and lost him.” Who are you? “Well, I am the teardrop of the girl who won him.”

Love is very strange. Love is unconditional commitment to an imperfect individual. You need it but when you love, it’s like destining yourself for pain. You become addicted and dependent on the person. You become strong and at the same time, you open yourself up to being hurt. Love can make you bear any kind of pain and any kind of sacrifice. It can also make you feel stupid and act stupidly. Sometimes when you love and end up giving so much of yourself, subconciously you only discover how much you’ve given when the person you love hurts you or has to say goodbye.

Then you realize, an important part of yourself is already with that person. It goes away when he leaves and you are left with a sickening, empty feeling inside.

Tears are bound to shed from your eyes no matter how you force yourself to keep them in. Most teardrops ever shed on this earth have been for love or lack of it. When tears dry, a silent loss sticks to your heart for a long, long time.

Well, that’s what you get for caring so much about someone. But how can you regret it? To give yourself freely and lovingly is the most beautiful thing you can do. Loving makes you real. Loving also makes you cry. And that is why a teardrop is also BEAUTIFUL.

Author Unknown

i stole this off gloria’s blog. hehe. i think it’s cute. really corny, really true and really cute. haha. im going crazy. refer title of post.

“A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

a shot of Heidelberg from the castle. one of my better HDR conversions. haha

I am only human. i see, i hear, i think, i feel. many times (too many times if you ask me) i see what i don’t wanna see, i hear what i don’t wanna hear, i think what i don’t wanna think, and most unfortunate of all i feel what i don’t wanna feel. but if you think about it, it’s what makes us who we are. the way we feel, will never be the same as how anyone else feels. although each and everyone of us will undoubtedly share many things in common with countless others in our thoughts and opinions, we will never feel the exact same way another does about any one thing.

but what makes life so beautiful, is how we meet someone, and we find that we feel the exact same way about each other. no prejudices, no judgements, no hidden feelings, just pure unadulterated trust. a connection that comes from a lifetime of commitment, of being there for each other, and not letting go. a relationship that we will most probably find only once in our lives, if we’re lucky. never if we’re not, or if we run and hide, and close ourselves off from the rest of the world.

because it’s all in the heart. so thank you for opening me up, and inspiring me. and it doesn’t matter when they say you’re not good enough for me, that i can find someone better; cos all i want is you.

“One ought to hold on to one’s heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.”  Friedrich Nietzsche

please tell me that it’s gonna be okay.

please tell me that it’s okay that i don’t know where im headed.

please tell me that it’s okay to feel lost.

please tell me that i’m not alone.

please tell me that you’re going through everything that i am.

please tell me that you don’t want to see me go.

please tell me that you would hate it if i left.

please tell me that i mean more to you that anything i could ever imagine.

please tell me that of all the things you have on your mind, i matter the most.

please tell me that you want all of your firsts and lasts to be with me.

please tell me that you don’t want me to ever walk away,

because you know that it’s not how we hurt and disappoint each other,

but how we find our way back to each other that matters.

“Because sometimes, you just have to set your ego aside, and remember that the love you have is more important than winning.”

stitched this in photoshop. click to see the full sized version and how nice and longg it is :p and see how one guy is duplicated. and another guy is wedged into the barrier in the center of the pic. haha. cools nonetheless.

i really needa start doing sth more productive -__-

i woke up, and it was raining. it was cold and it was gloomy.

and i realised that all i ever think about is you.

my life has been hell lately. and if it wasn’t for the people around me i don’t know if i would’ve made it through. i don’t know what it is but i get this feeling that i’m being made to walk the toughest possible roads to get what i want. i mean seriously how hard can it be to change universities and to get my visa altered and to get a house on top of all the other things i have to settle not to mention the quite significant fact that i’m a poor ass manager of my finances which leaves me being, well, a poor ass.

“I don’t know what your plans are regarding you and I… Just know I will always love you.”

but through it all i’ve come to realise that i will never achieve my goals in life if i stay in this warm, comfortable little hole of mine. if i am to do the things in my life that i’ve always dreamed of, then at some point i’m gonna have to take that leap. and if the water is cold, then imma hafta deal with it. if i run outta breath, imma hafta find my own oxygen. and i know i won’t drown because there are those who care about me. we’re not made to go through life alone. and cliche as it is that’s what frens are for. and when frens fail us, He will undoubtedly still be there. all we have to do is take that leap of Faith, and by His grace, nothing is impossible.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” -Jer 29:11-14

I concede that there are a lotta things in my life that i need to get right. and that there are a lotta things that are not going the way i want them to go now. but it’s not for me to say what my life should be like, it’s for me to act on my dreams and work towards them, and everything else will fall into place.

because there are so many things in life we can smile about

whyyyyyyy. duhhh. i wan a place to live innn. sieeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnn. blehk.

“Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.”

and i wanna go home. i miss my bathroom

“There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama & the people who create it & surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy.”

please tell me how i should be feeling.

duhhh.

-___-