the end of day 10

“Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most, are those who don’t know what they want.”

after all, who am i to say that i really do deserve to get what i want? i’ve learned in the past one year that life is never gonna be fair when you expect it to be. it’s a question that i’ve asked myself plenty of times; why do things have a way of going wrong at all the wrong times? i realise now that i’ve only bothered to take into account all the times when things went wrong and it sucked for me; i’ve never really given much thought to the times when i’ve had it good or when the things that go wrong are too trivial for me to notice. because the fact of the matter is, we all go through the same things in life. it’s how we approach each new day, each new hurdle, each new joy that ultimately determines what we do with our lives. i whine and bitch all the time about how it sucks that i can’t get what i want and that it’s unfair for me to have to go through all this and oh woe is me. today i had the chance to reflect, and see that hey, it’s not always about me. it’s not always about what i get in return for loving you. i don’t love you because i want you to kiss me goodnight every night and good morning every morning and tell me you love me every other second of the day. i love you because that’s jus the way it is, because you’ve been a big big part of my life for so long and we’ve always been there for each other and that’s not gonna change. today made me realise, that hey, what izzit that i’ve done to make me think that i deserve better? am i so much more qualified than everyone else? because the fact of the matter is, love isn’t something that we do just so we feel better about ourselves. it’s not something that we say just to be glorified by everyone around us. it’s not something that will go away, jus because you don’t tell me that you’ve been thinking bout me for the past 3 hours 11 minutes and 57 seconds. it’s something that will always be a part of both of our lives, not something that we must feed to keep going. it’s not lust, it’s not passion, it’s not temporary, it’s not something that will disappear if you don’t tell me it’s there. it’s not something that will grow 10 times stronger tomorrow just because i told you ten times today that i love you. because it’s never only about me, it’s never only about yourself. love is the fruit of us having been there for each other, for having supported one another, for having gone through highs and lows together, fruit of the times when we always have a place to turn to when we don’t know where else to go, of the moments we spent together believing that nothing will ever go wrong as long as we hang on to each other, knowing that that is bullshit because life is never that simple but knowing at the same time that no matter what we go through and no matter what life throws at us that we will never be alone in walking the long road home. it is the fruit of trust, of faith, of belief; things that we will never be able to simply talk into existence.

life is not always rainbows and tulips and honey pots and beds of roses. it’s doesn’t always shimmer, it doesn’t always shine. there will definitely be times in life, when you come up with emo blog post after emo blog post, not realising that whoever is reading is probably sick to the grave of your emoness. and right now i find myself deep in one of those phases so don’t patronise me for being so philosophically morbid these few months =D

so. at the risk of plunging head first into the irony and hipocrisy of such an act, imma go ahead and tell you how much i love you =D teehehe. hey i’ll say what i want. cos i do love you. and you mean more than all the bowls of kolo mee in the world could ever mean to me. and i miss you like fcuk. and i can’t wait to see you again. whatever makes me happy i sunshine. LOL. ^.^.v..

edit: text me once you read this. so i know you’ve read it ((: oh and say sth nice thatd be awesome =P

Day 7, 8 & the beginning of 9 (:

“Are we to paint what’s on the face, what’s inside the face, or what’s behind it?”
-Pablo Picasso

so it’s 6:41 am and im up. and im writing. haha. it actually feels good to be up this early for a change. i should make it a habit. humm. wonder how that will work out. it’s been a rollercoaster of a second semester abroad for me so far, and i really do feel the need for some time off. so it’s off to the lake city of Konstanz this weekend, and London and Paris for 9 days starting next weekend. wheee.

have a good day. yeah you (:

Day 5 & 6

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” -Andy Warhol

 

is it not how we deal wit the negativities in life that defines who we are? how the poor boy from the slums overcomes all adversities to become the richest man on the continent. how the physically handicapped girl defeats her disabilities to realise her dream of becoming a national athlete. how we deal with day to day shortcomings and disappointments, and the numerous low points in our lives, to reach the peaks and to be able to look back and see how far we’ve come. anger, jealousy, disappointment, greed can only defeat those who let themselves be defeated. the moments we enjoy the most in life, are made all the more sweeter when we realise the things we have overcome, and take it all in.

 

 

on a lighter and much less emo note, you gotta love this picture =D

 

..v.^.^

Day 4

it’s in times like these, that i realise how lucky i actually am, and how i need to learn to stop whining.

because in every season, God is still God.

edit: awesome (:

 

 

 

and on a side note,

..v.^.^.v.. oh ma gaw soo kewtt!!

Day 3

“Most things aren’t better left unsaid. SAY WHAT YOU FEEL. Anyone that matters won’t mind.”

Today, i learned that everyone needs someone to be there for them. Whether they care to admit it or not. And i hope that me being there for you actually counts for something, i hope it means something, and i sure as hell hope it doesn’t mean nothing. And here i say thank you, to everyone who’s ever been there for me, i am eternally grateful. Hugs all around (=

Talk about cornay!

and just for kicks, a photo of the day (:

another random hdr shot (:

Day 2

“When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No… don’t blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn’t sound very exciting, does it? But it is!”
-Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

it baffles me, really, the way things change. the way they’re so different now, the way i find that i cannot understand why. all i know how to do now is to have faith. cos i believe you, i believe in you. cos i know one day we’ll look back, and laugh (:

i'm praying for you (:

Day 1

“and it’s usually not until the thing is taken away from you that you realise how wrong you’ve been, and how much you love it.”

i’m gonna smile, not cos anything’s going particularly well, or because i have a reason to (i have many reasons not to), but simply because i want to, and i will (=

what do you do

when you don’t know what to do?

i’m tired, i really am. i’m beyond tired. i’m tired of having to shoulder this responsibility. i’m tired of living in this cage. i’m tired of trying my best to please the ppl who put this responsibility on me in the first place. i’m tired of giving it everything i have, only to find that i’ve lost myself. i’m tired of trying everything i can, and to have ppl act like they don give a damn. i’m tired of not doing the things that make me happy, or rather having to do the things that don’t make me happy. i’m tired of being shut out, i’m tired of being so far away from everyone that matters. i’m tired of the way the world is hell bent on making things go wrong for me all the time. and i’m so tired of having to pick myself up again and again, and again. i’m tired of making things so hard for myself, and not knowing whether it will be worth it in the end. i’m tired of being so far away from home, i’m tired of looking for a place where i know i will have peace. i’m tired of having to deal with everything in a foreign language, i’m tired of not knowing how to express my thoughts and feelings the way i would like to. i’m tired of being treated like someone who doesn’t matter, and i’m tired of not knowing what’s going on.

and most of all, i’m bloody terrified of finding out what really goes on in there.

someone please save me

Two little teardrops were floating down the river of life. One drop said to the other, “I am the teardrop of a girl who loved a man and lost him.” Who are you? “Well, I am the teardrop of the girl who won him.”

Love is very strange. Love is unconditional commitment to an imperfect individual. You need it but when you love, it’s like destining yourself for pain. You become addicted and dependent on the person. You become strong and at the same time, you open yourself up to being hurt. Love can make you bear any kind of pain and any kind of sacrifice. It can also make you feel stupid and act stupidly. Sometimes when you love and end up giving so much of yourself, subconciously you only discover how much you’ve given when the person you love hurts you or has to say goodbye.

Then you realize, an important part of yourself is already with that person. It goes away when he leaves and you are left with a sickening, empty feeling inside.

Tears are bound to shed from your eyes no matter how you force yourself to keep them in. Most teardrops ever shed on this earth have been for love or lack of it. When tears dry, a silent loss sticks to your heart for a long, long time.

Well, that’s what you get for caring so much about someone. But how can you regret it? To give yourself freely and lovingly is the most beautiful thing you can do. Loving makes you real. Loving also makes you cry. And that is why a teardrop is also BEAUTIFUL.

Author Unknown

i stole this off gloria’s blog. hehe. i think it’s cute. really corny, really true and really cute. haha. im going crazy. refer title of post.

heart

“A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

a shot of Heidelberg from the castle. one of my better HDR conversions. haha

I am only human. i see, i hear, i think, i feel. many times (too many times if you ask me) i see what i don’t wanna see, i hear what i don’t wanna hear, i think what i don’t wanna think, and most unfortunate of all i feel what i don’t wanna feel. but if you think about it, it’s what makes us who we are. the way we feel, will never be the same as how anyone else feels. although each and everyone of us will undoubtedly share many things in common with countless others in our thoughts and opinions, we will never feel the exact same way another does about any one thing.

but what makes life so beautiful, is how we meet someone, and we find that we feel the exact same way about each other. no prejudices, no judgements, no hidden feelings, just pure unadulterated trust. a connection that comes from a lifetime of commitment, of being there for each other, and not letting go. a relationship that we will most probably find only once in our lives, if we’re lucky. never if we’re not, or if we run and hide, and close ourselves off from the rest of the world.

because it’s all in the heart. so thank you for opening me up, and inspiring me. and it doesn’t matter when they say you’re not good enough for me, that i can find someone better; cos all i want is you.